Currently, I have been listening to the Cocteau Twins like it’s the 80’s and 90’s all over again. Last night I placed my amethyst crystal under the moonlight by my window to charge it up, while a vanilla ice cream scented candle burned on my dresser. I feel like it’s that time again where I need to cleanse my environment and rid myself of bad energies. I have been contemplating a lot the past few days, and just feeling lost in my own head. It’s been almost 4 months since losing my day job and I have my good days where I don’t think about it and live in the moment, but then there are my bad days like today, where I tend to just suddenly feel like a really big failure. Who am I now? What am I doing with my life? When will I get back on my feet? These are a few questions that run through my head and give me a little bit of anxiety here and there.
I think it’s kind of crazy and funny that I received the above prophecy on my birthday in a 25 cent fortune teller machine. It really hit right on the money and that’s why I’m taking it as a sign. I do believe in signs from the universe. It was kind of another reminder as to my current state in life, and served as another wake up call.
It’s frustrating when you’ve been with a company for three years and suddenly it’s over. On most days I don’t even want to job hunt either, and I know this isn’t good. Discouragement and frustration won’t get me anywhere. I kept using the excuse that I was taking a little mental mini vacation, but I can’t help but feel guilty for having so much free time on my hands now, and sadly this world runs on money, so there’s also that issue as well to deal with the longer I go without a reliable day job. Sometimes I just really doubt myself as well and feel like I have no real talents. I know in the end this isn’t entirely true, but when you’re feeling down, you can’t help but feel negative thoughts from time to time.
I suppose my main issue is that I always struggle to move forward. I have also always been a very passive individual. I am quiet. I always struggled with shyness. I suppose keeping up with this blog is another way for me to express myself when I can’t do it so much physically.
Inspiring Articles To Ponder:
It’s always inspiring to read Gala Darling’s posts on life. I am super excited she finally has a book available for pre-order now. Radical Self-Love: A Guide to Loving Yourself and Living Your Dream. I can’t wait to receive it in the mail! It was part of my birthday gift from Rafael since he knows I love her so much. I really am grateful to have him in my life.
Today I decided to read my tarot since it’s been 4-6 months since my last reading. I am not an expert tarot reader, but it’s always fun for me to see what’s in the stars. Plus, since I’ve been feeling a little more spiritual this week, I figured now was the perfect opportunity. Of course I wanted answers as to my current state, and what the future, career-wise, holds for me.
I used my usual 7 card spread (or Horseshoe spread), which is great if you want a specific question or obstacle answered quickly. I might want to eventually start taking the time to do a Celtic Cross spread for a more in depth reading sometime in the future. This has been my go-to Tarot Card deck for a long time now. I believe I purchased this when Borders was still around. Oh the wonderful memories of solitude I spent in that bookstore. My heart still sheds for its demise. This is the perfect Tarot set for on the go readings too! I love the size. It fits perfectly in a purse or small backpack. This little gem is still available! Essential Tarot Book and Card Set. Although I think this version comes with a fancy box mine never came with. I always thought the illustrations were pretty cool too, and Medieval-esque.
It’s interesting that the Ace of Swords was the card I chose from the deck that represents my past (success and prosperity), while the Ace of Cups inverted represents my present (a false start or unfulfilling relationship). Considering my career feels as if it has come to a big halt, I am not surprised I pulled this card inverted. The third card, Three of Rods, represents what is helping with my present. It stands for trade and positive negotiations, and suggests I am in a position of strength. I believe this represents the people I surround myself with. It’s all about working together and communicating, isn’t it?
The fourth card I pulled was the Ace of Rods which represents the obstacles I must overcome to get out of my current predicament. It represents virility and a possible new career or course of study. So working hard to get what I want is what I must overcome, I suppose, is what this card means. Makes perfect sense. The reading I got today was very straight forward, and basically is everything I already knew, but it’s nice that the universe is also reminding me, “Hello! Wake up, it’s all right in front of you.”
The 6th card I pulled was strength inverted, which stands for what I should do to overcome my obstacles. Strength inverted symbolizes a lack of confidence and cowardice…well I would say that’s partly true and why I am having trouble getting back on my feet taking a new chance. Basically I need to believe in myself, but I already know this too. There’s just a difference between actually knowing and actually doing something about it…My 7th and final card symbolizes my outcome. Five of Pentacles inverted means the worst has passed, and hard times can be overcome. Wow, what a card to end with. This gives me some hope. I sure hope the worst has passed.
Believe what you will about tarot. For me, the readings always seem to be so on point with my life. I never take it for complete fact of course, but just another eye-opening and fun experience to get a little more perspective in my life.
I have a lot to contemplate still, and a lot of work that needs to be done. I think this is the perfect album by the Cocteau Twins that represents my current mood lately. Thank you for reading. I hope everyone has a wonderful day!